Yesterday afternoon’s perambulation carried me past the neighborhood shops.  Ordinarily I take the wide way around, street-side, but it was a bit warm out and the cooling fall breeze had died, so I opted to do that stretch of my circuit under the awnings of the local businesses.  As I passed Metro Tan, the front desk manager raised a hand at me in what I thought was a wave, but turned out to have been a hail.

“Excuse me, ma’am,” I heard from behind me, and turned to see Metro Tan Guy standing in the open doorway of the salon.  “Would you like some free passes?”

I told him thanks, but I don’t tan.  Never have, never will; I may be pale, but someday I’ll be glad I opted for fair of color rather than texture of a leather handbag.  Even tans acquired naturally, by a length of time spent out in the sun, frighten me — because I require a painful burn before fading to beige.

“Oh, not for the tanning beds,” he replied, “for the sunless tanning booth.  Come on, I’ll show you our machine.”

So I let him lead me into the empty tanning salon and show me the booth that resembled a shower that would presumably turn my porcelain Southern Belle complexion into that of a beach-bronzed Barbie.

“I’ll give you a couple of free passes,” said Metro Tan Guy, “so you can try it out, and then we can talk about setting up some sessions for you.”

Still leery of anything with the word “tan” in it, I asked whether the sunless tanning spray contained any chemicals that would be unsafe during pregnancy.  Metro Tan Guy looked well and thoroughly stumped.  “No one’s ever asked me that before,” he replied, which made me wonder whether this is something all other pregnant women know, or whether they just hop into the sunless tanning machines without thought for their babies.  He told me he’d research and give me a call when he knew something, and I gave him my number, even though I had no intention of my skin being any shade but pale.

But as I walked home, a question tumbled around in my mind:

Just how pale must one be for a tanning salon manager to feel such a rush of pity that he offers one free tanning sessions?